I am lost in Paris. At first it was a beautiful dream.
Now I'm wandering dark streets with no bearing.
I have dark stalkers always three steps behind.
No one speaks my language.
The only things that speak to me are the writings on the walls.
The paintings on the walls.
To many dark shadows are covering them.
You have every reason to be worried, you put me here.
I got caught up in the beauty of all of you.
Heaven help you when I get out. And trust me I will.
Sage
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
Smoke
I love the way smoke looks from a candle just after being blown out. That smooth string of smoke curling over its self just itching to escape.
I've had dreams of smoking cigarettes. Oh course they tasted nothing like I would assume the real thing would taste and feel like.
They felt clean, like a new better, sweeter, form of air. Of course I never plan to take even one puff.
Sage
I've had dreams of smoking cigarettes. Oh course they tasted nothing like I would assume the real thing would taste and feel like.
They felt clean, like a new better, sweeter, form of air. Of course I never plan to take even one puff.
Sage
Sunday, May 11, 2014
To
I don't care what you think anymore.
I'm walking through crowded streets completely alone.
Around me I see torn souls, lost souls, and pretending souls.
What do I look like to you. I look nothing like what I feel.
How could you understand? Every mind is different sculpted to fit the vastness of individual universes.
Do not preach to me, do not tell me what I must do.
Contrary to popular belief I know what I am doing.
You tell me what or how and I feel defiant.
I will myself to not trust you. Or him.
Inner struggle of a need for human contact and protecting a now cautious soul.
The vastness of my soul is underwhelmed walking through florescent hallways.
To normal.
Breaking skin that is tougher than it looks.
You know the beauty of a broken soul is that it knows how to pull itself back together.
Sage
I'm walking through crowded streets completely alone.
Around me I see torn souls, lost souls, and pretending souls.
What do I look like to you. I look nothing like what I feel.
How could you understand? Every mind is different sculpted to fit the vastness of individual universes.
Do not preach to me, do not tell me what I must do.
Contrary to popular belief I know what I am doing.
You tell me what or how and I feel defiant.
I will myself to not trust you. Or him.
Inner struggle of a need for human contact and protecting a now cautious soul.
The vastness of my soul is underwhelmed walking through florescent hallways.
To normal.
Breaking skin that is tougher than it looks.
You know the beauty of a broken soul is that it knows how to pull itself back together.
Sage
Thursday, May 8, 2014
I remember
I remember bubbles.
I remember this morning almost taking the bus because I've never driven in the snow before.
I remember playing golf with my dad in the field behind our house.
I remember visiting that house years later an my field was gone, over taken by houses.
I remember crying because of it.
I remember when I wanted to be a ballerina, a singer, an actor, a designer, an artist.
I remember my first day of the worst five months of my life.
I remember when I thought I was going to marry my best friend, I was six.
I remember I remember when our parents were on a double date and we were being babysat at his house and I didn't feel so good so he turned on Scooby Doo and watched it next to me.
I remember when I fell on my head in his basement and to make me feel better he pulled out his little sisters karaoke machine and sang stupid songs.
I remember they day I realized he was no longer my best friend.
I remember lightsabers and peanut butter toast.
I remember daddy daughter doughnut dates.
I remember moving to Utah.
I remember that summer was amazing.
I remember when you were only a an occasional smile in the hallway.
I remember knowing that I would be right and you would end up being even less. They always do.
I remember breaking for the first time.
I remember when ***** loved me.
I remember when I thought ******* loved me.
I remember kissing my best friend because he liked me so much and we got along so well, why shouldn't we be a couple?
I remember not feeling a spark.
I remember getting a package a few days after Valentines day from my missionary and how sweet and loving his letter was. He sent me a fox stuffed animal, he remembered they are my favorite animal.
I remember feeling so bad because I had a boyfriend and I didn't tell him.
I remember my patriarchal blessing.
I remember always wanting the flashing shoes but never getting them.
I remember getting heelys for Christmas.
I remember being in fifth grade and rolling down my street in my heelys listening to Hot Fuss by the Killers.
I remember the big book about dragons that Zion brought to school we poured over that thing like it was the bible and we were some sorry sinners.
I remember reading such great books.
I remember when I had an eighth grade reading level in fourth grade. I was so proud of myself.
I remember SCAPA, School for Creative And Preforming Arts.
I remember everyone in my grade, only around 40 kids.
I remember loving that school. So much.
I remember Zions birthday party, it was me him and his family we watched Godzilla in his car and when to McDonalds and played in the kids play area. We had such amazing imaginations.
I remember playing magic, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Dragons, and anything else we could imagine.
I remember when most of my friends were boys.
I remember before boys grew up, when they were fun and kind.
I remember when I realized just how jerky boys could be.
I remember all twelve of my best friends.
I remember Kentucky.
I remember my home. I remember crying when I left it. I haven't been back in six years.
I remember first finding my own favorite style of music.
I remember having fun. It's been a while since I've had fun without worrying about something.
I remember summer.
I remember not knowing about my parents problems.
I remember seeing my dad for more then a few days at a time.
I remember being poor.
I remember watching my dad build his career and not knowing what was going on.
I remember the mango trees.
I remember climbing them.
I remember Africa.
I remember chocolate doughnuts from Koalas.
I remember snails in the garden.
I remember barbies.
I remember going to Bear Lake for the first time with my friends.
I remember still having those friends.
I remember that spark of hope last week when she text me.
I remember those hopes being dashed, when she wouldn't look me in the eyes when I tried to talk to her.
I remember seeing my dad cry for the first and last time. That broke me.
I remember the two times I saw my mom cry. One was because my sister was to much to handle and the other was the same day my dad cried.
I remember crying at movie theater that day. I was going to watch a movie I had been excited for months about. The Hobbit.
I remember sitting next to my ex boyfriend and my best friend. She knew, he didn't.
I remember going to another movie at sticky shoe and almost cuddling with a guy I had a crush on.
I remember getting back with my ex a little while later and feeling so bad for that guy.
I remember ninth grade lagoon with a good friend who I had a crush on but he was leaving.
I remember him moving back.
I remember how excited about that I was.
I remember riding the Sky Coaster with him. One of the scariest-funnest things I've ever done.
I remember how things changed when we went to high school.
I remember when we used to walk not drive our parents car.
I remember when the only jobs we had were doing chores and yard work.
I remember when we flew kites in the new park.
I remember when you were my side not hers.
I remember when we didn't have to choose sides.
I remember when I could trust people.
I remember when I had crushes that I did nothing about.
I remember when I allowed myself to have a crush on a popular boy.
I remember when I told myself to never do that again.
I remember I bought my poem book.
I remember writing my pre-written poems neatly. I remember the beginning on second semester when I was told not to be neat.
I remember feeling so inspired, then looking around at everyone else and thinking I was getting to excited.
I remember deciding no to write too anymore because I don't like it.
I remember my friend telling me she wasn't a virgin anymore and wondering how someone could feel ready for that at such a young age.
I remember she didn't tell me at first because she was afraid I would judge her.
I remember telling her I didn't agree with her decision but she could always tell me what was going on.
I remember my first day of Mr. Bells physics class. I had two friends in that class, as well as my sisters best friends hot older brother. Of course I never talked to him.
I remember getting asked to homecoming by him and barely being able to contain my excitement.
I remember my little silver dress with the pink bow.
I remember being way to short for him.
I remember awkwardly standing in a circle with the other couple because none of them were dancing and I really wanted to.
I remember being proud of the fact that I had never seen The Notebook.
I remember watching the Notebook after mutual.
I remember watching Oblivion at the drive in movie with a handsome blond boy.
I remember all of us in the car screaming Jack! because of how many times they said his name in the movie.
I remember the day he left.
I remember our last kiss.
I remember our first date, we went rollerblading and he kissed me at the door step.
I remember my first crush after he left.
I remember homecoming.
I remember the lights hung above us and how much I loved them.
I remember when I spent an entire class writing about memories, right now.
I remember wondering with seven minutes left if I should publish or continue through next period.
I remember chocolate fraps.
I remember when I had time for breakfast, I'm starving.
I remember coming up with the name Sage. I also liked Robin. I love that name.
I remember walking down the halls listening to a pump up song in my new cloths and feeling so bad ass.
I remember finding out some peoples pen names and rereading everything to gain an understand.
I remember feeling like that may be cheating.
I remember when my grandpa left a chicken head on the stump around the back of the house.
I remember walking to second period.
I remember the library and the room that was painted like a jungle.
I remember candy rings and plastic necklaces.
I remember when we ate dinner together every night.
I remember hearing interesting things about my ex's girlfriend.
I remember the first time I watched a Molly Ringwald movie. It was pretty in pink. One of my favorites.
I remember crying in the shower calming down getting out, not being able to make it to the door before I started crying again. I cried for so long my hair was half way dried.
I remember having so much time before Netflix.
I remember being vegetarian. For about six months.
I remember my white house. Square, white and bright. We had a bean shaped pool and no backyard.
I remember when he lied.
I remember when they lied.
I remember when she lied.
I remember when people used to tell the truth and not behind peoples backs.
I remember when you never read all of this.
I remember when I was to lazy to go look for misspelled words and my angry text sounded like gibberish.
I remember when teachers has pretty, colorful posters on their walls and smiles on their faces.
I remember being scared of the slowly shrinking scroll bar for this page.
I remember wondering who will actually read this. This is my past that I'm remembering.
I remember when there was only one choice, internet. No chrome, firefox, safari.
I remember seeing Panic at the Disco! in concert. Brenden was shirtless. Yum.
I remember riding on airplanes. I used to every few months. Things are pretty nice when you are over seas and your dads company pays for everything.
I remember blaming that for my sisters being so bratty and self centered.
I remember when we did family activities that weren't only card games.
I remember my mom before she got an ipad, she wasted a lot less time.
I remember when I was more addicted to my phone then my mom. It didn't last very long.
I remember when there was music instead of TV and books instead of instagram.
I remember when I loved my eyebrows.
I remember when getting my kittens. My missionary came to my house with a shoe box in hand, he gave it to me and inside was a 2 week old kitten. I named her Scout. A few days later my mom went and got her brother a tiny fat orange tabby. I love them.
I remember the nice girl in the lunch line on my first day in a new school. Thank you.
I remember my green walls.
I remember Emily lane and my brown house.
I remember washing the car in our swimsuits.
I remember my pink bike.
I remember innocents.
I remember my first swear word.
I remember the song you wrote for me.
I remember my best friend being bullied and calling the girls who were tormenting her bitches.
I remember hearing my dad was hit by a semi.
I remember hearing that he only had a few bruises and scratches because he was in a Volvo.
I remember loving Volvos.
I remember things before they got complicated.
I remember friends.
I remember having fun on weekends.
I remember secrets.
I remember so much more then I could write.
Sage
I remember this morning almost taking the bus because I've never driven in the snow before.
I remember playing golf with my dad in the field behind our house.
I remember visiting that house years later an my field was gone, over taken by houses.
I remember crying because of it.
I remember when I wanted to be a ballerina, a singer, an actor, a designer, an artist.
I remember my first day of the worst five months of my life.
I remember when I thought I was going to marry my best friend, I was six.
I remember I remember when our parents were on a double date and we were being babysat at his house and I didn't feel so good so he turned on Scooby Doo and watched it next to me.
I remember when I fell on my head in his basement and to make me feel better he pulled out his little sisters karaoke machine and sang stupid songs.
I remember they day I realized he was no longer my best friend.
I remember lightsabers and peanut butter toast.
I remember daddy daughter doughnut dates.
I remember moving to Utah.
I remember that summer was amazing.
I remember when you were only a an occasional smile in the hallway.
I remember knowing that I would be right and you would end up being even less. They always do.
I remember breaking for the first time.
I remember when ***** loved me.
I remember when I thought ******* loved me.
I remember kissing my best friend because he liked me so much and we got along so well, why shouldn't we be a couple?
I remember not feeling a spark.
I remember getting a package a few days after Valentines day from my missionary and how sweet and loving his letter was. He sent me a fox stuffed animal, he remembered they are my favorite animal.
I remember feeling so bad because I had a boyfriend and I didn't tell him.
I remember my patriarchal blessing.
I remember always wanting the flashing shoes but never getting them.
I remember getting heelys for Christmas.
I remember being in fifth grade and rolling down my street in my heelys listening to Hot Fuss by the Killers.
I remember the big book about dragons that Zion brought to school we poured over that thing like it was the bible and we were some sorry sinners.
I remember reading such great books.
I remember when I had an eighth grade reading level in fourth grade. I was so proud of myself.
I remember SCAPA, School for Creative And Preforming Arts.
I remember everyone in my grade, only around 40 kids.
I remember loving that school. So much.
I remember Zions birthday party, it was me him and his family we watched Godzilla in his car and when to McDonalds and played in the kids play area. We had such amazing imaginations.
I remember playing magic, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Dragons, and anything else we could imagine.
I remember when most of my friends were boys.
I remember before boys grew up, when they were fun and kind.
I remember when I realized just how jerky boys could be.
I remember all twelve of my best friends.
I remember Kentucky.
I remember my home. I remember crying when I left it. I haven't been back in six years.
I remember first finding my own favorite style of music.
I remember having fun. It's been a while since I've had fun without worrying about something.
I remember summer.
I remember not knowing about my parents problems.
I remember seeing my dad for more then a few days at a time.
I remember being poor.
I remember watching my dad build his career and not knowing what was going on.
I remember the mango trees.
I remember climbing them.
I remember Africa.
I remember chocolate doughnuts from Koalas.
I remember snails in the garden.
I remember barbies.
I remember going to Bear Lake for the first time with my friends.
I remember still having those friends.
I remember that spark of hope last week when she text me.
I remember those hopes being dashed, when she wouldn't look me in the eyes when I tried to talk to her.
I remember seeing my dad cry for the first and last time. That broke me.
I remember the two times I saw my mom cry. One was because my sister was to much to handle and the other was the same day my dad cried.
I remember crying at movie theater that day. I was going to watch a movie I had been excited for months about. The Hobbit.
I remember sitting next to my ex boyfriend and my best friend. She knew, he didn't.
I remember going to another movie at sticky shoe and almost cuddling with a guy I had a crush on.
I remember getting back with my ex a little while later and feeling so bad for that guy.
I remember ninth grade lagoon with a good friend who I had a crush on but he was leaving.
I remember him moving back.
I remember how excited about that I was.
I remember riding the Sky Coaster with him. One of the scariest-funnest things I've ever done.
I remember how things changed when we went to high school.
I remember when we used to walk not drive our parents car.
I remember when the only jobs we had were doing chores and yard work.
I remember when we flew kites in the new park.
I remember when you were my side not hers.
I remember when we didn't have to choose sides.
I remember when I could trust people.
I remember when I had crushes that I did nothing about.
I remember when I allowed myself to have a crush on a popular boy.
I remember when I told myself to never do that again.
I remember I bought my poem book.
I remember writing my pre-written poems neatly. I remember the beginning on second semester when I was told not to be neat.
I remember feeling so inspired, then looking around at everyone else and thinking I was getting to excited.
I remember deciding no to write too anymore because I don't like it.
I remember my friend telling me she wasn't a virgin anymore and wondering how someone could feel ready for that at such a young age.
I remember she didn't tell me at first because she was afraid I would judge her.
I remember telling her I didn't agree with her decision but she could always tell me what was going on.
I remember my first day of Mr. Bells physics class. I had two friends in that class, as well as my sisters best friends hot older brother. Of course I never talked to him.
I remember getting asked to homecoming by him and barely being able to contain my excitement.
I remember my little silver dress with the pink bow.
I remember being way to short for him.
I remember awkwardly standing in a circle with the other couple because none of them were dancing and I really wanted to.
I remember being proud of the fact that I had never seen The Notebook.
I remember watching the Notebook after mutual.
I remember watching Oblivion at the drive in movie with a handsome blond boy.
I remember all of us in the car screaming Jack! because of how many times they said his name in the movie.
I remember the day he left.
I remember our last kiss.
I remember our first date, we went rollerblading and he kissed me at the door step.
I remember my first crush after he left.
I remember homecoming.
I remember the lights hung above us and how much I loved them.
I remember when I spent an entire class writing about memories, right now.
I remember wondering with seven minutes left if I should publish or continue through next period.
I remember chocolate fraps.
I remember when I had time for breakfast, I'm starving.
I remember coming up with the name Sage. I also liked Robin. I love that name.
I remember walking down the halls listening to a pump up song in my new cloths and feeling so bad ass.
I remember finding out some peoples pen names and rereading everything to gain an understand.
I remember feeling like that may be cheating.
I remember when my grandpa left a chicken head on the stump around the back of the house.
I remember walking to second period.
I remember the library and the room that was painted like a jungle.
I remember candy rings and plastic necklaces.
I remember when we ate dinner together every night.
I remember hearing interesting things about my ex's girlfriend.
I remember the first time I watched a Molly Ringwald movie. It was pretty in pink. One of my favorites.
I remember crying in the shower calming down getting out, not being able to make it to the door before I started crying again. I cried for so long my hair was half way dried.
I remember having so much time before Netflix.
I remember being vegetarian. For about six months.
I remember my white house. Square, white and bright. We had a bean shaped pool and no backyard.
I remember when he lied.
I remember when they lied.
I remember when she lied.
I remember when people used to tell the truth and not behind peoples backs.
I remember when you never read all of this.
I remember when I was to lazy to go look for misspelled words and my angry text sounded like gibberish.
I remember when teachers has pretty, colorful posters on their walls and smiles on their faces.
I remember being scared of the slowly shrinking scroll bar for this page.
I remember wondering who will actually read this. This is my past that I'm remembering.
I remember when there was only one choice, internet. No chrome, firefox, safari.
I remember seeing Panic at the Disco! in concert. Brenden was shirtless. Yum.
I remember riding on airplanes. I used to every few months. Things are pretty nice when you are over seas and your dads company pays for everything.
I remember blaming that for my sisters being so bratty and self centered.
I remember when we did family activities that weren't only card games.
I remember my mom before she got an ipad, she wasted a lot less time.
I remember when I was more addicted to my phone then my mom. It didn't last very long.
I remember when there was music instead of TV and books instead of instagram.
I remember when I loved my eyebrows.
I remember when getting my kittens. My missionary came to my house with a shoe box in hand, he gave it to me and inside was a 2 week old kitten. I named her Scout. A few days later my mom went and got her brother a tiny fat orange tabby. I love them.
I remember the nice girl in the lunch line on my first day in a new school. Thank you.
I remember my green walls.
I remember Emily lane and my brown house.
I remember washing the car in our swimsuits.
I remember my pink bike.
I remember innocents.
I remember my first swear word.
I remember the song you wrote for me.
I remember my best friend being bullied and calling the girls who were tormenting her bitches.
I remember hearing my dad was hit by a semi.
I remember hearing that he only had a few bruises and scratches because he was in a Volvo.
I remember loving Volvos.
I remember things before they got complicated.
I remember friends.
I remember having fun on weekends.
I remember secrets.
I remember so much more then I could write.
Sage
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Veins
One day I traced my veins with a purple marker.
I thought maybe if I could see them better I could feel the blood rushing through them, I could feel more alive.
One day I traced my veins with a gold marker.
Maybe if I can mask then with extravagance then I would feel like they were worth preserving.
One day I traced my veins with a black maker.
I assumed that if I blocked out the feeling of living it couldn't hurt me anymore.
Sage
I thought maybe if I could see them better I could feel the blood rushing through them, I could feel more alive.
One day I traced my veins with a gold marker.
Maybe if I can mask then with extravagance then I would feel like they were worth preserving.
One day I traced my veins with a black maker.
I assumed that if I blocked out the feeling of living it couldn't hurt me anymore.
Sage
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Chair
I remind you of the things you never did and the words you never said.
I called you fat in third grade, and you never forgot.
I deceived you with smooth lines of comfort.
I filled you day with a normality that drove you insane.
And I left you alone and forgotten in my bed sheets.
I stole away in the middle of the night.
I didn't leave a note only a hot half drunk cup of
tea on your table.
Sage
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Summer skin.
Burning off your summer skin, pack away your warm mellow mind and brace for the cold.
The weather is changing but our cold souls remain frozen.
Riding the warm sun. Surfing the the moon formed waves.
Bending trees dance like no one cares.
Everyone is there moving to the sound of the thunder.
Clouds cry their honey dipped tears. Longing for a quiet day of rest from the troubles of the wold they watch from above.
The sore skin of the world holds us up, stopping us from falling to Hell.
Peeking from behind flower bushes.
The ocean flooding from behind our eyelids. A barrier only we can break.
Breaking free of our summer skin because all it holds is the cold.
Sage
Monday, April 14, 2014
Thoughts
Funny thing about my addict post. I am allergic to both, I am allergic to cigarettes and I am allergic to the artificial sweetener in most gum. But I chew it anyway. Again I am an addict.
Claire Wright- Chemistry. So so so good.
I am irritated that no one is posting or commenting anymore. It really is bothering me. Are we all just beyond uninspired?
Weird nightmares lately. They have been giving me anxiety attacks.
Should I post more pictures/gifs?
Food...
I have written so much in the last 24 hours but I have only posted a few things.
Why do I not use colored pencil 24/7 they are kind of amazing.
You know what bugs me? The fact that everyone is going to freak out. If my family or half of my friends read my blog they would hate me. They would be disappointed at my language. I guess that is the danger of swearing in such a Mormon community. I keep almost slipping up around family. And I don't swear a lot but I do swear.
The other day during lunch I was sitting with a bunch of ass holes and I was in a really bad mood so I started writing. I wrote about how pissed I was, I wrote the word shit and couldn't stop writing it. I lost control and started crying, hard. Nobody even looked at me. These people who I had been friends with for so long just stood there talking as I cried my eyes out right next to them. Until my best friend came in the school and sat by me trying to calm me down. I love having anxiety attacks at school.
Sage
The search
Searching for something ever so elusive.
The unobtainable goal of a good high school experience.
In search of the true meaning of 18.
Seeking an optimistic self image and a daring purpose.
Sifting through sad poems and a trunk full of doubts.
Following a map to happiness.
Sage
The unobtainable goal of a good high school experience.
In search of the true meaning of 18.
Seeking an optimistic self image and a daring purpose.
Sifting through sad poems and a trunk full of doubts.
Following a map to happiness.
Sage
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Addict
Pulling a piece of gum out of the package today felt like pulling out a cigarette.
I think I'm an addict.
Please do not text me while I'm being emotional I'll say reckless stupid things that will drive you away.
Never before have beautiful words come from my emotional ramblings.
Sage
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Jealous
The Eulogy I never wrote
-Jackie O
I am jealous of this poem. I love it.
I think we all fell in love with being 17.
We all fell for clear eyes and t-shirts bundled by cotton socks
We shared lotion in tiny bottles, eating hummus and trail mix in class,
pretending fourth term would never come.
Because tiny, old cars with fraying seats and tight belts made the lights a little brighter on Friday's.
Hoodies felt like jerseys and we didn't know the dance,
but we had songs to keep us on the bleachers.
And all of us could see 100 yards of half-rain, half-snow and smell In-n-Out after.
Buses felt softer, with a frayed satchel and a boy who liked Youth Lagoon
You were the only boy that ever kissed me on my doorstep and that kinda matters, right?
Boots that didn't stay laced, and Homecoming kiss aftershock and black lights on basketball courts.
We clapped at assemblies, but mostly laughed our way into a table at Kneaders,
soon-forgetting ACT scores and AP Psych tests.
Summer met Utah sand on windy volleyball courts and we fell in love with how terrible you played
and now I keel over the envelopes you write my name on.
We made bets on foreign countries and crooned guitars with virgin hands
sometimes pulling John Mayer out of its strings, all for the girl with soft hair.
You sat by the electric piano in a room, violent with happiness because he sang The Killers
And he pushed you up against a fence and kissed you hard so I don't know who wins here.
You fell in love with being 17 because a dark-haired boy with a clever tongue
sawed through your skin but it healed thicker,
So he ran away singing in Spanish, leaving you with words of amor to keep those wounds from disappearing altogether.
You said some praiseworthy things on Twitter,
Homecoming was a bust and you don't talk to Preference date anymore,
but he held your hand without invitation
so I guess you won't forget him.
I fell in love with 17.
with Youth Lagoon and Christmas cards and toxic 80's references
when I discovered Lorde and vowed to become Lorde.
Dancing with that one boy like idiots, the night he got an interception
and the student section started chanting my name even though we've been just-friends for years.
I fell in love with 17 under a campfire.
I fell in love with oxygen and gold hair.
With Gatsby and the vapor I breathed when it snowed
I fell in love with open minds and new ideas.
And I threw away the notes I took as a sophomore
and took new ones on a canvas.
When I was 17, my mother said to me,
"Don't stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die."
Youth Lagoon
I am jealous of this poem. I love it.
Ravings of a lunatic
I want to there, not be square.
I want to eat what I grow in my own backyard.
I'm sick of feeling sick of everything.
We said it but we never did it.
We read about a heaven on earth but we never went.
We took pictures but we never developed them.
We spoke of death but we've never looked him in the eyes. We were too afraid.
We kept the cat in the bag for too long. It suffocated.
We heard but we weren't listening.
We dreamed but we never did.
We blog, but we always hide.
We give a damn but we aren't going to Hell.
Sage
I want to eat what I grow in my own backyard.
I'm sick of feeling sick of everything.
We said it but we never did it.
We read about a heaven on earth but we never went.
We took pictures but we never developed them.
We spoke of death but we've never looked him in the eyes. We were too afraid.
We kept the cat in the bag for too long. It suffocated.
We heard but we weren't listening.
We dreamed but we never did.
We blog, but we always hide.
We give a damn but we aren't going to Hell.
Sage
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Something is going to happen
I am so worried.
Beyond worried.
I have no idea whats going to happen and that bugs me.
Although I suppose I never know whats going to happen.
I woke up this morning and the first thought I had
was that something is going to happen.
I don't know what.
I don't know when.
But something is going to happen today.
Even if I have to make it happen.
Sage
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
This is for them.
This is for the ones who are floating far above the earth. For the ones sinking into the dirt because they are way too grounded. This is for those who sit alone on the bus. For her, for him. For them. For those who are always surrounded by people but always feel alone. This is for those who don't feel ready for whats coming next. For everyone who flipped them off when their backs were turned. For everyone who saw a picture and said "I'm going there someday".
This is for crooked toothed teacher. For the divorcees. This is for everyone who had and anxiety attack during the driving test. For anyone who has had a break up. For those who have never been in love. For those who never will.
This is for the bleeding girl in the bathroom. For every boy in the closet. This is for those who may never walk again or those who never have. This is for those girls losing their beautiful hair so they can live for a little longer. For the boy who has been asleep for too long.
This is for those parents who lost their pride and joy. This is for them who never gave up. For those who don't know if it's safe to leave their front door. This is for you because you know what it's like.
Keep going.
This is for crooked toothed teacher. For the divorcees. This is for everyone who had and anxiety attack during the driving test. For anyone who has had a break up. For those who have never been in love. For those who never will.
This is for the bleeding girl in the bathroom. For every boy in the closet. This is for those who may never walk again or those who never have. This is for those girls losing their beautiful hair so they can live for a little longer. For the boy who has been asleep for too long.
This is for those parents who lost their pride and joy. This is for them who never gave up. For those who don't know if it's safe to leave their front door. This is for you because you know what it's like.
Keep going.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
I tried.
I tried to wash the words from my arms.
But they only faded.
I tried to cry the sadness from my heart.
But it only grew stronger.
I tried to push back the thoughts from my head.
But the memories pushed harder.
I guess the best poems come from the saddest moments.
When he said the thoughts in his head would eventually kill him.
I broke.
Sage
Sage
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Death
What if death is someone.
Death is attracted to us, as humans. Our strong wills, our emotions, our defiance of him.
We tempt death. We dance seductively close to him, then skip away right before our skin brushes. A brush with death.
Death loves us, but he fears the closeness. He know that once we touch him, once we die, he cannot see us anymore he can't never be close to us again. We can't die twice.
Sometimes death trips, sometimes he falls over his own feet, embracing us. A cold kiss of death.
Death is attracted to the raw beauty of human nature. We tell ourselves to survive. But we still dance, we still tempt him without knowing it.
He falls in love. He falls in love with everyone he kills.
No matter what death has done, or who he has taken away, we still think he is beautiful. There is an appeal to something so final, something so lasting.
Death is the ultimate tortured soul. When he touches the thing he loves it is lost to him. He grieves, holding our empty bodies missing the soul he loved so much.
Sage
Death is attracted to us, as humans. Our strong wills, our emotions, our defiance of him.
We tempt death. We dance seductively close to him, then skip away right before our skin brushes. A brush with death.
Death loves us, but he fears the closeness. He know that once we touch him, once we die, he cannot see us anymore he can't never be close to us again. We can't die twice.
Sometimes death trips, sometimes he falls over his own feet, embracing us. A cold kiss of death.
Death is attracted to the raw beauty of human nature. We tell ourselves to survive. But we still dance, we still tempt him without knowing it.
He falls in love. He falls in love with everyone he kills.
No matter what death has done, or who he has taken away, we still think he is beautiful. There is an appeal to something so final, something so lasting.
Death is the ultimate tortured soul. When he touches the thing he loves it is lost to him. He grieves, holding our empty bodies missing the soul he loved so much.
Sage
Make-up
She paints her face with an experts hands.
After 2 minutes she has a perfectly blank canvas, no freckles, no pimples, no laughter lines, no frown lines. All emotions wiped clean.
Black around the windows to her soul.
"It sure does make them pop."
But you can't see how deep they really are.
Coating her lips with red that looks like blood. So many hateful words spilled from those lips, she can still feel them. Every kiss, every word, every smile, every frown, every song, covered by the thick red paint.
She contours with a color darker then her own skin. Shading imaginary shapes on her face.
"Wow, she does look thinner, look at her cheekbones."
Looking up the mirror reveals someone pretty, not a flaw on her powdered face. Of course she doesn't look much like she did before she started her masterpiece. A daily routine, masking everything is a daily routine.
Sage
After 2 minutes she has a perfectly blank canvas, no freckles, no pimples, no laughter lines, no frown lines. All emotions wiped clean.
Black around the windows to her soul.
"It sure does make them pop."
But you can't see how deep they really are.
Coating her lips with red that looks like blood. So many hateful words spilled from those lips, she can still feel them. Every kiss, every word, every smile, every frown, every song, covered by the thick red paint.
She contours with a color darker then her own skin. Shading imaginary shapes on her face.
"Wow, she does look thinner, look at her cheekbones."
Looking up the mirror reveals someone pretty, not a flaw on her powdered face. Of course she doesn't look much like she did before she started her masterpiece. A daily routine, masking everything is a daily routine.
Sage
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
A letter
I'm a little lost and a little confused so if you could answer these questions that would be great.
Dear God,
First off thank you, I have lived a pretty good life and thats awesome. But right now I'm in kind of a rough situation. Can I cuss, just a little, when I'm mad? I did today.
Oh God please tell me, what can I say to my friend who talks of suicide almost everyday? Oh God how can I help him without allowing him to drag me down with him, cause I've been down there and I never want to go back.
Oh God please tell me how to know. If every religion is based of of faith how can I know which one is true. We do not believe in our religion because we have proof but because we have faith. Don't get me wrong God, I love this church but sometimes I wonder; if people in another religion have just as much faith or more than me in mine then what makes mine any different or any more true?
Dear God please tell me why people are so selfish, how someone can sit in there giant houses with more of everything than they could ever need and some people be dying of starvation on the streets. God why are we so selfish?
God please tell me why people do drugs, and alcohol, and cut and die. How can we let one person feel so alone and so hurt that they feel the best way to feel better is to kill themselves, slowly or quickly.
Oh God please tell me why we can't just love each other. I'm trying I am, but sometimes it's hard. Why is it that someone can be hated not for the way they act not for their personality but for whom they choose to love. God why?
Sage
Dear God,
First off thank you, I have lived a pretty good life and thats awesome. But right now I'm in kind of a rough situation. Can I cuss, just a little, when I'm mad? I did today.
Oh God please tell me, what can I say to my friend who talks of suicide almost everyday? Oh God how can I help him without allowing him to drag me down with him, cause I've been down there and I never want to go back.
Oh God please tell me how to know. If every religion is based of of faith how can I know which one is true. We do not believe in our religion because we have proof but because we have faith. Don't get me wrong God, I love this church but sometimes I wonder; if people in another religion have just as much faith or more than me in mine then what makes mine any different or any more true?
Dear God please tell me why people are so selfish, how someone can sit in there giant houses with more of everything than they could ever need and some people be dying of starvation on the streets. God why are we so selfish?
God please tell me why people do drugs, and alcohol, and cut and die. How can we let one person feel so alone and so hurt that they feel the best way to feel better is to kill themselves, slowly or quickly.
Oh God please tell me why we can't just love each other. I'm trying I am, but sometimes it's hard. Why is it that someone can be hated not for the way they act not for their personality but for whom they choose to love. God why?
Sage
Sunday, March 23, 2014
What my bones said to me
My bones want to rip from my body. They want to run away with my soul.
I think my bones and my soul are having an affair. They cheat on my heart and my brain. Behind my back they plot to break free of my skin.
My bones want to break, they are sick of my heart getting all the attention. Everyone says that the heart is where you feel and it's true. But the soul is where I suffer.
My soul is where I endure, is where I perceive. My soul no longer has connection to my heart.
Damn it. I feel it every day. I feel my bones trying to move me. I hear my soul screaming. Some how when I finally notice them they are too far away. Please take me with you. Please.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. So lost.......
So to my bones and my soul, I want you to take over, because I don't feel anymore.
Sage
I think my bones and my soul are having an affair. They cheat on my heart and my brain. Behind my back they plot to break free of my skin.
My bones want to break, they are sick of my heart getting all the attention. Everyone says that the heart is where you feel and it's true. But the soul is where I suffer.
My soul is where I endure, is where I perceive. My soul no longer has connection to my heart.
Damn it. I feel it every day. I feel my bones trying to move me. I hear my soul screaming. Some how when I finally notice them they are too far away. Please take me with you. Please.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. So lost.......
So to my bones and my soul, I want you to take over, because I don't feel anymore.
Sage
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Questions you must answer two.
Comment on this. Cause I want answers.
1. Beach or mountains?
2. What is your biggest what if?
3. What is you favorite Disney/ Pixar/ Dreamworks movie?
4. How are you enjoying this class?
5. What is your current, biggest frustration?
6. Do you sing in the shower?
7. If you want to rant then rant, oh and do you want me toe reply to your comment?
Please answer these questions if you happen to read this post, please and thank you.
Sage
1. Beach or mountains?
2. What is your biggest what if?
3. What is you favorite Disney/ Pixar/ Dreamworks movie?
4. How are you enjoying this class?
5. What is your current, biggest frustration?
6. Do you sing in the shower?
7. If you want to rant then rant, oh and do you want me toe reply to your comment?
Please answer these questions if you happen to read this post, please and thank you.
Sage
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Letter to the living
Dear you
You are breathing, that is amazing! Don't think too hard about what some ass said to you today, or yesterday or a few years ago. Your heart is beating, you are loving, smelling, wanting, needing, smiling, laughing, crying, singing (horribly), dancing (also horribly), you have so much potential please just see it, look at what you have, look at what your two hands can make, create, build, hold, feel.
You are the hero of your story. I know it seems like you may be the sidekick sometimes but you aren't you can do whatever the hell you want to do with your life. I know it doesn't get easier but it can get better if you try. You could die tomorrow so why not?
You are alive so act like it.
Confessions for the living:
1. I lied, that one time. And all the other times.
2. I've had your sweatshirt for a few months I just keep forgetting to bring it to you.
3. I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to but I think everyone should be happy regardless of who they love.
4. I'm not as confident as I seem
5. You sound like an idiot just stop talking. Please.
6. I know I say I'm over it but I'm not. Okay? I'm just not I can't.
7. I am mad at you, you are in trouble. But you aren't... at least I won't tell you that you are. And I hate that I won't.
8. For a certain person; I know. I know I'm not supposed to know but I do and I'm okay with it, just tell me you can trust me I promise.
9. For my mom; I say yes, I agree, and I give in so you will stop yelling. Apparently I'm not allowed my own opinion.
10. You remember when you asked me all those questions and I answered. Every time I never told a full truth I'm too afraid of what you'll think.
I am crying now, I'm so tired, I am so done, when will it be okay? When will I take my own advice?
Sage
You are breathing, that is amazing! Don't think too hard about what some ass said to you today, or yesterday or a few years ago. Your heart is beating, you are loving, smelling, wanting, needing, smiling, laughing, crying, singing (horribly), dancing (also horribly), you have so much potential please just see it, look at what you have, look at what your two hands can make, create, build, hold, feel.
You are the hero of your story. I know it seems like you may be the sidekick sometimes but you aren't you can do whatever the hell you want to do with your life. I know it doesn't get easier but it can get better if you try. You could die tomorrow so why not?
You are alive so act like it.
Confessions for the living:
1. I lied, that one time. And all the other times.
2. I've had your sweatshirt for a few months I just keep forgetting to bring it to you.
3. I'm sorry I know I'm not supposed to but I think everyone should be happy regardless of who they love.
4. I'm not as confident as I seem
5. You sound like an idiot just stop talking. Please.
6. I know I say I'm over it but I'm not. Okay? I'm just not I can't.
7. I am mad at you, you are in trouble. But you aren't... at least I won't tell you that you are. And I hate that I won't.
8. For a certain person; I know. I know I'm not supposed to know but I do and I'm okay with it, just tell me you can trust me I promise.
9. For my mom; I say yes, I agree, and I give in so you will stop yelling. Apparently I'm not allowed my own opinion.
10. You remember when you asked me all those questions and I answered. Every time I never told a full truth I'm too afraid of what you'll think.
I am crying now, I'm so tired, I am so done, when will it be okay? When will I take my own advice?
Sage
Friday, March 14, 2014
birds on my brain
I've got birds in my brain. And flowers growing in my heart.
The earth aches to reclaim my body.
Gravity drags me back down to the earth every time I lift my foot.
My head dreams of being in the clouds.
The sun feeds my soul.
Vines run through my body instead of veins.
Run your finger along my broken spine and tell me how it feels to be whole.
The earth aches to reclaim my body.
Gravity drags me back down to the earth every time I lift my foot.
My head dreams of being in the clouds.
The sun feeds my soul.
Vines run through my body instead of veins.
Run your finger along my broken spine and tell me how it feels to be whole.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
I want it back.
I want my dreams back.
I want my creativity back.
I want back all the self confidence I lost when I went through all that shit.
Most days I ask myself what the hell am I doing with my life?
I want my adventure back, but high school is getting in the way.
Why do I care about my grades. People assigning me a letter because of how smart I appear to be, and that affects the rest of my life. That is utter bull shit.
I tried to argue about how I wasn't very smart with someone I care very much about the other day. And he totally disagreed with me. He told me I was smart, he told me that my creativity made me smart.
I can create stories, pictures, art, inventions, and poems in my head. In my little head.
What's in your head? In your head? Zombie? -The Cranberries
I want my creativity back. My creativity makes me who I am, it can make me brilliant, whether I can do complicated math or not.
So my goal for the end of the year is to become as brilliant as I can be.
Sage
I want my creativity back.
I want back all the self confidence I lost when I went through all that shit.
Most days I ask myself what the hell am I doing with my life?
I want my adventure back, but high school is getting in the way.
Why do I care about my grades. People assigning me a letter because of how smart I appear to be, and that affects the rest of my life. That is utter bull shit.
I tried to argue about how I wasn't very smart with someone I care very much about the other day. And he totally disagreed with me. He told me I was smart, he told me that my creativity made me smart.
I can create stories, pictures, art, inventions, and poems in my head. In my little head.
What's in your head? In your head? Zombie? -The Cranberries
I want my creativity back. My creativity makes me who I am, it can make me brilliant, whether I can do complicated math or not.
So my goal for the end of the year is to become as brilliant as I can be.
Sage
Friday, March 7, 2014
Who I am
Who I am. I am the girl who laughs when most people would ignore.
I am one who raises her hand in class then instantly regrets it. I am the explosion of energy that happens when something exciting happens to someone. I am the one who can't stop the tears when they are real. I am the one you screwed over.
I am the positive comments on your blogs. I am the one who loves you. I am the one who had an anxiety attack in bed last night, and the night before. I am the one who over thinks. I am the one who doesn't think. It's always one extreme or the other.
I am the one who is always listening to music. I am the one who couldn't control her laughter the other day. I am the one who will smile at you in the hallway. I am the one who can't breath when she is scared.
I am the ground you walk on.
I am the sky above your head.
I am words on a page.
I am a speck of dust.
I am the chain around your neck, steadily getting heavier.
I am not screwing around.
Sage
I am one who raises her hand in class then instantly regrets it. I am the explosion of energy that happens when something exciting happens to someone. I am the one who can't stop the tears when they are real. I am the one you screwed over.
I am the positive comments on your blogs. I am the one who loves you. I am the one who had an anxiety attack in bed last night, and the night before. I am the one who over thinks. I am the one who doesn't think. It's always one extreme or the other.
I am the one who is always listening to music. I am the one who couldn't control her laughter the other day. I am the one who will smile at you in the hallway. I am the one who can't breath when she is scared.
I am the ground you walk on.
I am the sky above your head.
I am words on a page.
I am a speck of dust.
I am the chain around your neck, steadily getting heavier.
I am not screwing around.
Sage
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Thoughts
Guys, guys help I need your help I'm freaking out!
I have nothing to write about. I was reading DiMiTRi Snow's blog and that little bit of imagery at the beginning just killed me. Ouch dude, that hurt.
I was like "well damn I can't be all cool like that and set up an awesome background like that cause I don't have any cool backgrounds... like that."
Now I feel like I need to go walk around in the woods or something....................................................
You wanna know something that bugs the crap out of me? My mother was amazing at art, like she was incredible so creative and she just did some beautiful pieces. Anyway so she stopped drawing after collage, every now and again she will doodle and when I asked her why she just said it was personal. I didn't push her any farther. She was so good, it makes me sad that she stopped doing something she loved so much. It kinda scared me too.... I never ever want to do that.
Would get down on your knees for me? Pop that pretty question right now baby. -Marina
Gosh I'm so bad at dancing.
How to dance:
1. Do what ever the hell you want as long as you are moving your body.
2. Stare and anyone who looks at you funny, and dance even more.
3. Enjoy. :)
I keep thinking of things to write then getting distracted and forgetting...
I got new shampoo today, maybe my hair will finally grow! Probably not. :(
I've decided I hate that random rainbow swirly thing that makes it impossible to do anything on a computer. I typed that whole thing with a double chin, now my neck hurts.
Do I post too much, I need a life I swear half the time I'm just roaming around everyones blogs.
Hey does anybody know a good joke? If you can make me laugh (and i will be honest if I do laugh) I'll do something I don't know what but something. So tell me a joke I hope who ever reads this reads enough of it to see this part and makes me laugh.
Should I post more poems, have I even posted any poems? Maybe like one, I think I will. Haha all I have are depressing poems, oh well.
Beautiful things: your face, collar bones, the human body, flowers, smiles, poems, nature, clouds, 3 o'clock in the morning, lips, tongues, crystals, music, bricks, tea.
I love you. I love you. I really really enjoy your face!
Babe, please smile more it is like the cutest thing on this earth. Please laugh more darling. Love please tell me what is wrong, let me help you fix it or just let me distract you if I can't do anything else...
Hey boy I hope you are happy. I hope you are happy with me, I hope I help make your day just a little better. I love you.
He probably won't read that, or at least he won't know that it's for him....
I am tired now I'm going to bed. Goodnight fellow writers sleep well, I love you all!
Sage
I have nothing to write about. I was reading DiMiTRi Snow's blog and that little bit of imagery at the beginning just killed me. Ouch dude, that hurt.
I was like "well damn I can't be all cool like that and set up an awesome background like that cause I don't have any cool backgrounds... like that."
Now I feel like I need to go walk around in the woods or something....................................................
You wanna know something that bugs the crap out of me? My mother was amazing at art, like she was incredible so creative and she just did some beautiful pieces. Anyway so she stopped drawing after collage, every now and again she will doodle and when I asked her why she just said it was personal. I didn't push her any farther. She was so good, it makes me sad that she stopped doing something she loved so much. It kinda scared me too.... I never ever want to do that.
Would get down on your knees for me? Pop that pretty question right now baby. -Marina
Gosh I'm so bad at dancing.
How to dance:
1. Do what ever the hell you want as long as you are moving your body.
2. Stare and anyone who looks at you funny, and dance even more.
3. Enjoy. :)
I keep thinking of things to write then getting distracted and forgetting...
I got new shampoo today, maybe my hair will finally grow! Probably not. :(
I've decided I hate that random rainbow swirly thing that makes it impossible to do anything on a computer. I typed that whole thing with a double chin, now my neck hurts.
Do I post too much, I need a life I swear half the time I'm just roaming around everyones blogs.
Hey does anybody know a good joke? If you can make me laugh (and i will be honest if I do laugh) I'll do something I don't know what but something. So tell me a joke I hope who ever reads this reads enough of it to see this part and makes me laugh.
Should I post more poems, have I even posted any poems? Maybe like one, I think I will. Haha all I have are depressing poems, oh well.
Beautiful things: your face, collar bones, the human body, flowers, smiles, poems, nature, clouds, 3 o'clock in the morning, lips, tongues, crystals, music, bricks, tea.
I love you. I love you. I really really enjoy your face!
Babe, please smile more it is like the cutest thing on this earth. Please laugh more darling. Love please tell me what is wrong, let me help you fix it or just let me distract you if I can't do anything else...
Hey boy I hope you are happy. I hope you are happy with me, I hope I help make your day just a little better. I love you.
He probably won't read that, or at least he won't know that it's for him....
I am tired now I'm going to bed. Goodnight fellow writers sleep well, I love you all!
Sage
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Thoughts: Rant
Ok so it is 6:40 and I'm in my sweats drinking tea and reading blogs I have no life...
So ya here thoughts, coming form my strange head.
I like my tea not too strong, I think anyone who would try a cup of my tea would think it's way too watered down.
Nelson you pissed me off today.
So ya here thoughts, coming form my strange head.
I like my tea not too strong, I think anyone who would try a cup of my tea would think it's way too watered down.
Nelson you pissed me off today.
I really want to go to prom, ask me already!!!!!
I'm irritated with people right now. They are so petty, do you guys ever just turn the table around and think hmmmm I wonder if she feels like shit today? You probably don't you're so damn selfish. You took all my friends away from me then had the nerve to blame your emotional shitty problems on me. Really?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!? Are you f-ing kidding me????? I hope you heard me say ass hole the other day cause I said it (I wasn't only talking about boys), you've never heard me swear before and I want you to hear me. I want you to understand, why can't you understand?Bitch. Sadly I can't say any of this too your face, you would most likely tell everyone I'm a bad kid, and probably tell your mom and sister and eventually everyone would know that I'm not as innocent as I seem.
I slept in my underwear last night, I don't normally but it was so hot in my room. I felt like I was melting.
They were the only friends I've ever had. We got in to trouble and when stuff got bad I got sent away. Lana Del Rey has some nice music.
I love driving around early in the morning, I kinda like going to bed at 12 and waking up at 5. It's like peace, no one is on the road. You are all alone, it's dark, and your tired but so awake.
I think my parents would kill me if they know I wrote like this. But you know what this is my outlet I'm 18 I can do whatever I want. Kinda.
Kiss me in the d-a-r-k dark tonight!
Right now I wish I was one of two places. With him at his house crying with him holding me or in a little cafe in Paris writing poetry and drinking tea. Tea check, boy nope, cafe nope, Paris nope....
Sorry for the rant but gosh I am upset.
Sage
I'm irritated with people right now. They are so petty, do you guys ever just turn the table around and think hmmmm I wonder if she feels like shit today? You probably don't you're so damn selfish. You took all my friends away from me then had the nerve to blame your emotional shitty problems on me. Really?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!? Are you f-ing kidding me????? I hope you heard me say ass hole the other day cause I said it (I wasn't only talking about boys), you've never heard me swear before and I want you to hear me. I want you to understand, why can't you understand?
I slept in my underwear last night, I don't normally but it was so hot in my room. I felt like I was melting.
They were the only friends I've ever had. We got in to trouble and when stuff got bad I got sent away. Lana Del Rey has some nice music.
I love driving around early in the morning, I kinda like going to bed at 12 and waking up at 5. It's like peace, no one is on the road. You are all alone, it's dark, and your tired but so awake.
I think my parents would kill me if they know I wrote like this. But you know what this is my outlet I'm 18 I can do whatever I want. Kinda.
Kiss me in the d-a-r-k dark tonight!
Right now I wish I was one of two places. With him at his house crying with him holding me or in a little cafe in Paris writing poetry and drinking tea. Tea check, boy nope, cafe nope, Paris nope....
Sorry for the rant but gosh I am upset.
Sage
Fears
I am scared that I am suppressing my emotions. I've been people in my life who were very important in my life lately and instead of continuing the fight I've been giving up and finding new people to care about.
I'm terrified that something is going to happen to the people I love. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. I'll sit and think of all the horrible things that could happen.
My dad is gone a lot on business trips and I'm always afraid that his plane will crash. I'm afraid one of my parents will give up on the other and leave. I'm scared that if I do what I enjoy then I'll fail. I wont be good enough.
I'm afraid of being the same as every one else in this damn world. I'm afraid to go to far with this new found swearing/rebel thing. I probably won't but a big mistake would be bad.
I am afraid of people hating me. I'm afraid of what my old friends think of me. I know they gossip about me. I'm afraid of having a horrible marriage. I'm scared of messing up my future kids.
I'm afraid that I'm missing something, something important. I'm scared that I'll never live up to my potential. I'm afraid that I will miss an opportunity, or that I already have.
I'm afraid of big snakes and spiders even though I find them fascinating. I have a fear of the unknown. I have a fear of the known.
I'm afraid that the religion I want so badly to believe in won't be real. I am afraid that people think I am a freak. One time when I moved to a new school I was accepted by the popular crowd for about a week. After that I heard then talking about me one of the guys said "It sucks that she is so weird, shes pretty hot". What a shitty thing to say, apparently I'm not cool enough for the way I look. I don't think I'm that attractive though... I'm afraid you can't see me.
Sage
I'm terrified that something is going to happen to the people I love. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. I'll sit and think of all the horrible things that could happen.
My dad is gone a lot on business trips and I'm always afraid that his plane will crash. I'm afraid one of my parents will give up on the other and leave. I'm scared that if I do what I enjoy then I'll fail. I wont be good enough.
I'm afraid of being the same as every one else in this damn world. I'm afraid to go to far with this new found swearing/rebel thing. I probably won't but a big mistake would be bad.
I am afraid of people hating me. I'm afraid of what my old friends think of me. I know they gossip about me. I'm afraid of having a horrible marriage. I'm scared of messing up my future kids.
I'm afraid that I'm missing something, something important. I'm scared that I'll never live up to my potential. I'm afraid that I will miss an opportunity, or that I already have.
I'm afraid of big snakes and spiders even though I find them fascinating. I have a fear of the unknown. I have a fear of the known.
I'm afraid that the religion I want so badly to believe in won't be real. I am afraid that people think I am a freak. One time when I moved to a new school I was accepted by the popular crowd for about a week. After that I heard then talking about me one of the guys said "It sucks that she is so weird, shes pretty hot". What a shitty thing to say, apparently I'm not cool enough for the way I look. I don't think I'm that attractive though... I'm afraid you can't see me.
Sage
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Questions you must answer.
Comment on this. Cause I want answers.
1. Do you guys daydream as much as me?
2. Do you love yourself?
3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
4. Do you love to write overly emotional posts?
5. Will you ever nominate me for top 5?
6. What is you favorite color?
7. How are things at home? (If they suck be strong. I know it's hard but you are strong and you can get through anything)
8. Do you think you are a good writer?
9. Do you want to rant? If yes then rant to me.
10. Do you want me to reply to your comment?
Comment, you have to I can see how many views this gets. You have to honest, okay? Please promise me you'll be honest.
Love Sage
1. Do you guys daydream as much as me?
2. Do you love yourself?
3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
4. Do you love to write overly emotional posts?
5. Will you ever nominate me for top 5?
6. What is you favorite color?
7. How are things at home? (If they suck be strong. I know it's hard but you are strong and you can get through anything)
8. Do you think you are a good writer?
9. Do you want to rant? If yes then rant to me.
10. Do you want me to reply to your comment?
Comment, you have to I can see how many views this gets. You have to honest, okay? Please promise me you'll be honest.
Love Sage
Thoughts: Being yourself.
Who are you when you are alone? Are you the same as you are around others?
I just realized that I agree with people too much. I was sitting in the car with my boyfriend and he was talking about something he didn't really like and I agreed with him even though I didn't really know what he was talking about. I hate that I do that.
You know what else? I hate that my mind goes blank around people I care about. I'm so scared of what the will think that I can't even talk. Then I freak out cause they probably think I'm really boring cause I don't talk. It is such a lose lose.
I million things run through my head almost every second of me day and I hardly say any of them.
I'm so sick of catering to everyone else. Even when I try super hard or don't try I can't be myself. Thats why I have to be okay with who I am cause in the end we are all we will ever have in this world. We are the ones who have to live with ourselves so why not try to always live like that?
Just some thoughts running through my head.
Sage
I just realized that I agree with people too much. I was sitting in the car with my boyfriend and he was talking about something he didn't really like and I agreed with him even though I didn't really know what he was talking about. I hate that I do that.
You know what else? I hate that my mind goes blank around people I care about. I'm so scared of what the will think that I can't even talk. Then I freak out cause they probably think I'm really boring cause I don't talk. It is such a lose lose.
I million things run through my head almost every second of me day and I hardly say any of them.
I'm so sick of catering to everyone else. Even when I try super hard or don't try I can't be myself. Thats why I have to be okay with who I am cause in the end we are all we will ever have in this world. We are the ones who have to live with ourselves so why not try to always live like that?
Just some thoughts running through my head.
Sage
Monday, March 3, 2014
My thoughts.
Okay so I was just thinking:
I am never going to writeok anymore because that stupid squiggly red line drives me nuts!
I want to be with him 24/7 but that's weird. I want to drive down to his house at 2 o'clock in the morning and fall asleep in his bed instead of mine. But I can't do that, that would be weird. :(
I love this class I don't have to do anything that is why I'm blogging.
Goldfish are so darn yummy.
I write so much but I hardly post any of it cause I think you'll think it'sshit.
Do I swear too much for you Molly Mormons? I don't even swear that much. Especially in public. I swear when I'm trying to get my point across.
I think I'm going through the most rebellious stage I'll ever go through and it's not even that bad. I went to church yesterday. I love my ward, and I love my young women they mean so much too me. They are so amazing, and I am the oldest one there so I feel partly responsible for them.
Why do humans have to bash on everything? We are so cynical. Gosh everyone just calm down for like 2 seconds!!!
People are kinda stupid sometimes.
I know you aren't supposed to be in beds with someone of the opposite gender but for real. I know my standards I won't do anything I know I shouldn't do. I just love being so comfortable with him.
Jack Johnson is cool, I like him music.
Does anyone else look for pictures in carpet or tile? I do.
I feel like adults judge teenagers way too much sometimes. We aren't all hoodlums.
My favorite blogs: Sincerely, Endymion Falling, Andie Writes too much, Charles Darnell, Alis Priddy, The Fail Safe, and Feathers on a Fish.
I want you to comment on this.Please! I'm desperate, kidding I'm not but you still should. Tell me if you think my writing is shit if that is what you think.
It does kinda drive my crazy not knowing what people think.
I WILL HOLD ON AND I WILL HOLD ON, HOOOLD. I WILL HOLD ON AND I WILL HOLD ON. Good song. Thistle and Weeds, Mumford and sons.
I have dreams where really cool things happen... Then I wake up and I'm pissed cause they aren't real.
I want to do something worth while with my life. Can I please? Will you let me? I'm talking to myself of course because I hold myself back.
Let me be, I want to be free. Let me go... LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay well that is enough ranting. Sage out!
Sage
Wait opinions, should I keep my name (Canyouseeme)?
I am never going to write
I want to be with him 24/7 but that's weird. I want to drive down to his house at 2 o'clock in the morning and fall asleep in his bed instead of mine. But I can't do that, that would be weird. :(
I love this class I don't have to do anything that is why I'm blogging.
Goldfish are so darn yummy.
I write so much but I hardly post any of it cause I think you'll think it's
Do I swear too much for you Molly Mormons? I don't even swear that much. Especially in public. I swear when I'm trying to get my point across.
I think I'm going through the most rebellious stage I'll ever go through and it's not even that bad. I went to church yesterday. I love my ward, and I love my young women they mean so much too me. They are so amazing, and I am the oldest one there so I feel partly responsible for them.
Why do humans have to bash on everything? We are so cynical. Gosh everyone just calm down for like 2 seconds!!!
People are kinda stupid sometimes.
I know you aren't supposed to be in beds with someone of the opposite gender but for real. I know my standards I won't do anything I know I shouldn't do. I just love being so comfortable with him.
Jack Johnson is cool, I like him music.
Does anyone else look for pictures in carpet or tile? I do.
I feel like adults judge teenagers way too much sometimes. We aren't all hoodlums.
My favorite blogs: Sincerely, Endymion Falling, Andie Writes too much, Charles Darnell, Alis Priddy, The Fail Safe, and Feathers on a Fish.
I want you to comment on this.Please! I'm desperate, kidding I'm not but you still should. Tell me if you think my writing is shit if that is what you think.
It does kinda drive my crazy not knowing what people think.
I WILL HOLD ON AND I WILL HOLD ON, HOOOLD. I WILL HOLD ON AND I WILL HOLD ON. Good song. Thistle and Weeds, Mumford and sons.
I have dreams where really cool things happen... Then I wake up and I'm pissed cause they aren't real.
I want to do something worth while with my life. Can I please? Will you let me? I'm talking to myself of course because I hold myself back.
Let me be, I want to be free. Let me go... LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay well that is enough ranting. Sage out!
Sage
Wait opinions, should I keep my name (Canyouseeme)?
Brick by F-ing brick
I've built myself a shelter from all of this, built for the bricks I've carried for years.
1 brick for every time you denied my friendship.....................................................1 brick for every move......1 brick for every time my sister told me she hated me......................1 brick for every time I thought what if I died tomorrow...........................................................1 brick for every broken friendship..................................
1 brick for every tear I let fall because of how stupid I thought I was.............................................................1 brick for every swear word........................1 brick for every bruise.......................................................................................
1 brick for every time I wanted to scream at my mother cause her fighting is tearing this family apart..............
1 brick for every time I've wanted wanted my sister to understand how much stain she is putting on our family...........1 brick for every time I said "no, it's ok" and it wasn't................................................1 brick for every friend I've lost.........................................1 brick for every three years..................
1 brick for every time I said I love you and you never replied..........................................................1 brick for each ex....1 brick for every doubt..............................................................1 brick for being stranded.............................1 brick for every word I've typed...................................................................................................
1 brick for every word I've written........................................................................................................1 brick for everything I've written but never published...........................................................1 brick for every secret I've guarded...........................................1 brick for every secret I thought was guarded...................................................................................................................................................
I've built a castle brick by F-ing brick.
Sage
1 brick for every time you denied my friendship.....................................................1 brick for every move......1 brick for every time my sister told me she hated me......................1 brick for every time I thought what if I died tomorrow...........................................................1 brick for every broken friendship..................................
1 brick for every tear I let fall because of how stupid I thought I was.............................................................1 brick for every swear word........................1 brick for every bruise.......................................................................................
1 brick for every time I wanted to scream at my mother cause her fighting is tearing this family apart..............
1 brick for every time I've wanted wanted my sister to understand how much stain she is putting on our family...........1 brick for every time I said "no, it's ok" and it wasn't................................................1 brick for every friend I've lost.........................................1 brick for every three years..................
1 brick for every time I said I love you and you never replied..........................................................1 brick for each ex....1 brick for every doubt..............................................................1 brick for being stranded.............................1 brick for every word I've typed...................................................................................................
1 brick for every word I've written........................................................................................................1 brick for everything I've written but never published...........................................................1 brick for every secret I've guarded...........................................1 brick for every secret I thought was guarded...................................................................................................................................................
I've built a castle brick by F-ing brick.
Sage
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Crayons
Crayons bug me. They don't color very well. They break too easy. They are never sharp enough for the fine lines. Damn you crayons you make me feel like a crappy drawer.
Robots are just crappy emotionless shadows of people
Who knows though, maybe I'm just robot that was programed to think I'm human. Maybe my memories aren't real.
Do you ever think that maybe your life is just a elaborate prank, like The Trueman Show?
That is a good movie, go watch it. Why the hell are you reading this?
Anyway until it's proven to me that I am a robot, I'll continue to act like a person, I'll get over emotional. I'll eat lots of food. Sit around and wonder when I'll get my life under control.
I'll glare and my ex boyfriend with him girlfriend and wish my boyfriend would hold me like that in public.
I'll stay up later than usual because I feel like it.
I'll write on this blog cause its fun and I don't care... I'll keep telling myself I don't care.
Sage
Do you ever think that maybe your life is just a elaborate prank, like The Trueman Show?
That is a good movie, go watch it. Why the hell are you reading this?
Anyway until it's proven to me that I am a robot, I'll continue to act like a person, I'll get over emotional. I'll eat lots of food. Sit around and wonder when I'll get my life under control.
I'll glare and my ex boyfriend with him girlfriend and wish my boyfriend would hold me like that in public.
I'll stay up later than usual because I feel like it.
I'll write on this blog cause its fun and I don't care... I'll keep telling myself I don't care.
Sage
Can you see me?
I don't know if you can.
People often pass me by.
You don't know me but I'm going to give you a glance inside my head.
I'm glad nobody knows who I am cause if you did you would think I'm pretty screwed up.
...I guess I am. More than people think.
My "name" is Sage. I'm a girl, I go to Lone Peak High School. We are world class.
Hehe that is shit. We aren't sorry to break it too you.
I'll just tell you know I'm extremely self conscious. But I don't care, you don't know me and you never will.
Honesty is the best policy.
Damn it, shoo little voice in my head.
Trees, stars, galaxies, boys, macaroni, music, tumblr, rage, rain, poems, mumbling incoherently, thrifting, art, sleeping in his bed, disney.
I wish I could sew. I'm terrified of loving someone getting married and divorcing. My eyes hurt. I'm always hungry. People tell me I'm skinny but I don't think so. If I see you bulling someone I will F you up.
I stutter sometimes. Can you see me cause I'm hiding.... Behind a blog. Under my covers. Behind a mug of tea. Behind smiles and giddiness.
Can you see me cause I want you too. But I don't.
I'm a contradiction.
I'm that weird girl in class who zones out.
I'm the tears spilling over your eyes.
I'm the chalk being dragged loudly across the board.
I'm the weird laugh you probably hate.
Don't look to hard I don't want you too see.
Sage
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